This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86-year-old woman.
“Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, 3 nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only 8 years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets, and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1.
To make an appointment to see me #2. To query a missing payment. #3.
To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. #6.
To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through #9.
To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? Your Humble Client And remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.”
Precious
CLASSIC!!! EPIC!!! 😀 😀 😀
She is brill
Priceless.
Love the letter also the irony that there are 3 adverts from Lloyds bank interrupting me reading this.
Fantastic!!
Yuo can prevent adverts by continually moving the viewer up and down while you read
Margaret Muirhead you’ll like this.
BRAVO!
Love the ” PIN” number
Very clever
Brilliant, finally someone has addressed the issue in such an intelligent succinct manner. Bravo, cheers, salute, and she’s a senior citizen! Brilliant!
Hysterical and very well done!
http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp
Brilliant!
Priceless !!!
Priceless!
Magnificent response-let’s hope the bank,refunded the $30!I hope I’m that savvy,at 86-if I make it that far…
I have always enjoyed this Urban Legend. It makes me giggle every time I read it, regardless of which variation I find.
Jolly Got, wot?
Three cheers for granny! This is a must read!!!
awesome, thank you for eloquently expressing how we all truly feel!
Not a real, sorry to say. From Snopes.com: “The letter was not actually sent to a bank; it was a humor piece from start to finish, albeit one inspired by the author’s actually having had one of his checks bounce. Though the item did appear in an actual newspaper, it was not, however (as claimed in the Internet-circulated version’s prologue), published in the New York Times.”
Classic, being shared
Fantastic!
Excellent now for PGE, the Water company, DMV, County court house, Ect. Ect. ^_^
LOL
that is priceless
Love it!
well said Ma’am .. give them hell … or give them exactly what they give us
Don’t mess with old folks.
granny got it going on!
I will share, Ilove it
Great letter!
IF that’s a real experience I’d like to join her fan club
Amanda Cartmill
You madam are an amazing lady…and I condone everything you’ve said…particularly about getting old…but your mind is having none of that anyway…..bless you madam.
Wonderful. The banks are such a load of impersonal greedy burkes who grab your money by fair means & foul, use it to earn money and yet give you virtually zero interest
Whoa! She is quite a woman, very effective writer! I want to be on HER team!
Not exactly a letter by an 86-old woman, but still to the point and funny to boot. http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp
Vraj Modi Vikram Vaghela K.s. Raghuram Vïshâl Sûràtî Prateek Srivastava Raj Karmakar Himalay Sunita Jariwala Jeshalraj Thakaria
Good for her
Boet Viljoen
This really made me laugh out loud. You go girl!
Funniest thing I’ve seen for a long time.
True or not it is still hilarious. Haven’t many of us wanted to give some of these institutions a taste of their own medicine at one time or another?
And the Snopes article makes more sense. It was not the bank’s fault that things like bouncing checks happen.
who cares if true or not, what it says is true. press #1 for this 2 for that until you get so angry you hang up. there is nothing personable about customer service any more.
Just read in snopes.com that this was not an actual letter sent to a bank.
Still it is amusing….
Brilliant.
Yes agree beware old ladies
Brilliant – a must read it all
BEAUTIFUL.
ROFL.. oohh I LOVE her, LOVE her!!!! Hahahaaaa, she’s ABSOLUTELY GREAT!!! :-))
How could it possibly be ‘not the banks fault”???
This is awesome, I have one for a CPA.
Love it lol! 🙂
We she take example from her and put the banks on check!
cool
This is great! Would love to know how the bank responded!!
Funny
Hehe
A must read!!!
YOU GO GIRL
Yes! I love this woman
Excellent
Perhaps we could all follow this lady’s example and send a similar letter to our banks. Drown them in paper work.
Love it
The best
I love this! Don’t give me ideas ……
its wonderful
No. It was send by a comedian. Not a lady
Very cute!
Bravo mam!
You go girl!
I love this lady
She is so cool
Spelling police here. The word is ‘cheque’.
she simply says what happens to elder people in such a great way, “chapeau”
Maybe in the UK.
We need to all do this.
It may well be priceless but it’s also over a year old & making its 37th appearance here on FB. Yawn.
Really clever old lady!
This is very well put.. A gr8 slap and lesson to the Banking institution….. must read..
It’s Americanish. lcd English
Priceless! You go girl!
Right on
!
Go lady.
Older than that. It was originally written in 1999, by a man, as a humor piece in a newspaper. The old woman angle was added in 2003.
It was originally written by a British man. In 1999.
Good for her. I agree with her sentiments. She is one sharp person.
It may be making its 37th appearance for you but for me and others it is a first. Making me proud that someone informed the bank what we, the general public and seniors, think of their actions
I’m sick of banks I hope they learn the lesson from this amazing old lady who give them a sip of there own medicine .
Madam you rock ????
Luv it!!!
So funny Marie, so factual & the best quote…Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.”
So funny Marie, so factual & the best quote…Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.”
very much worth a read and a chuckle
I love women like this…
God Bless you !
It’s funny and it could apply to many institutions. I personally love my banks. Just today, no lie, I came home to a message on my machine from my bank asking me to call them regarding my credit card. An actual human being answered. Turns out someone tried to use my cc # in another state. It was declined and thankfully my bank put a stop on my card and will issue another. If your bank doesn’t function like this find another.
Banks SUCK!
go to a credit union instead
https://www.fool.com/investing/2016/06/09/forget-traditional-checking-accounts-3-banking-alt.aspx
Bravo Ma’am! We can ALL learn from your wisdom, you are hereby my hero!!
Priceless.
I assure you, an 86 year old is well able to write such a letter. I live in a retirement community and know 3 residents who are 96, 96.5, and 97 and whose mind and wit are sharp as can be.Don’t write off seniors! There is a woman in our long term care who just turned 107 in May and my conversations with her are terrific. She can fire off quips you would be stunned to hear.
This is delightful, although I am not quite sure it is “real.” Nonetheless, it is worth it for the laugh and to remind folks that chronological age does not mean lack of mental acuity.
I agree, my 92-year-old great-grandmother was quite coherent at that age, and wrote letters. However, this is an allegory, not an actual letter. It was penned by Peter Wear (confirmed), a columnist for the Courier Mail in Brisbane, Australia (where I live), for that publication’s “Perspectives” column, in 1999.