You deserve, at least, this much.
I find lately that any time I write an article outlining certain traits of men or how we “should” or “shouldn’t” act in a relationship (I have to be careful with those words because people often accuse me of telling everyone how to act…) that I get plenty of backlash from those who disagree with what I’m saying because men do not really act in these ways.
First thing’s first: Good men do act in these ways. If you are going to put an asterisk on behavior that’s to be expected from well-adjusted, emotionally stable, good man, then you’re not dating a good man.
Here are a few things that should make you strap on a jetpack and full throttle it in the other direction:
1. A good man will never pick apart your looks.
“Oh, if only your hair was a little longer.” “If only you lost those couple of extra pounds.” “If you would only wear more makeup.” A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that’s demeaning to you or makes you feel bad about yourself. If he is doing this, he’s purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won’t feel confident enough to leave him. It’s his way of trying to control you and it’s emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
2. A good man will never invade your privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages, whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. You should not ignore this.
*Note: This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
3. A good man will never discourage you.
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him and will never be discouraging or insulting.
4. A good man will recognize your value; he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
5. A good man will never make you feel like an afterthought.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it’s certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something similar. A man should have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list. If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
6. A good man will never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you’re with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate. Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them. What I’m referring to here is someone who is simply apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
7. A good man will never cheat on you.
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together; just a decision. A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
8. A good man will never disrespect you.
Easy, simple, basic – but often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’
9. A good man will never avoid important conversations.
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse. There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
10. A good man will NEVER abuse you.
There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive toward a child or pet as well as their significant other. Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself and never from attempting to place others below him. At any sign of any type of abuse, walk (run) away immediately. It will not get better, and you deserve more.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
Written by: James Michael Sama, YourTango
Maciek Mazurkiewicz ❤
Georgia Bonsall what would will do???
Haha x
The quality of men has degraded over the last two decades. They stopped making good men after 1960. Men nowadays are just whiny sissies who want replacement mommies, not wives or girlfriends.
Kenzi Jones
Having been born before 1960, I can relate. I have watched today’s men in public (like a restaurant) treating women as if they don’t care. Today’s men also treat each other badly as well. I run into this all the time. For me, it’s not worth it. I make it a point to live my life by the ‘golden rule’ Do unto others what you would have them do to you. Perhaps we should teach that in our schools.
Lewis Schatzdorfer if all parents taught it to their children as they grow up then maybe the world would be a better place but yeah maybe taught in schools for parents that dont raise their kids to love one another
men have NEVER been good, they have just treated women well because women “knew their place” and women shut up and did when men wanted. Now that we’re almost equal and don’t need men, they’re getting upset. People stayed married back in the day because women were taught to be submissive. Of course you’ll treat your woman well in 1940 when you’re considered her superior and she does whatever you say, cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids, etc. Now that women have a voice, men don’t know how to deal with it.
1. What if the girl’s really let herself go? What if she looks terrible? Wouldn’t a good man be honest, in an effort to help her? Or would a good man just lie and tell her she looks good when she doesn’t?
2. Agreed, though omit that asterisk. Even if he suspects she’s being deceptive, he still won’t invade her privacy. He’ll just leave her.
3. What if her aspiration or idea is foolhardy? Would a good man lie, and tell her “yeah, do it! Chase that dream!” when he knows it’s going to end in disaster?
4. Everyone must prove themselves to everyone. It takes a year for people to drop all charades and pretenses and actually be their real selves, so until she’s proven herself with validity, a self-respecting man will definitely demand that she prove herself, and he will do the same for her.
5. OK stop lying to your readers. This is a line of BS that people feed to women all the time. Being a girlfriend doesn’t mean she has first priority or only priority, and a guys’ night out does NOT mean she’s being neglected. Stop telling men they can’t have anything in their lives but their girl, and stop telling girls their man’s bad if his world doesn’t revolve around her. That’s a lie.
6. “You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.” Whoa, what? Why does she ‘deserve’ that? What in your convoluted delusional mind qualifies a person to ‘deserve’ someone who daily devotes himself to do the best they can? What miraculous thing has every woman who reads your article done to ‘deserve’ that??????? Does cancer vaccine drip from her tail pipe when she farts? Do her sneezes cause flowers to bloom? What on EARTH do women do to ‘deserve’ daily religious devotion from their man? It’s that kind of insane, brainless, entitled, narcissistic horse manure that twists women’s minds into insanity. You make them think that they are entitled to a man’s devotion purely by virtue of………………………………..WHAT? You LOON!
7. Also true.
8. True.
9. This is true, but with an asterisk. Sometimes men and women have differing definitions of “important conversation.” There are things women think are important that are totally irrelevant to men, so before you fly off the handle, ladies, determine whether your man is avoiding something important or just not noticing something inane that you mistakenly think is important.
10. Quite true. Well, you got 4 out of 10 right. That’s just terrible. That’s a Fail. You need to quit your job immediately, and never give anyone relationship advice again. You are a blight on society. Shame on you.
CATS N Dogs
frankly speaking they are all good in the beginning… when problem arises and to avoid they will simply say sorry and walk away without giving a clue hoping u will figure it out…. well there is no such thing as good or bad…. bad guys are actually better because they will say it right on your face and move on but good guys are really bad at dealing sticky situations… Just my observation. No offence to anyone… no one is bad forever and no one is good till they die
I think this works equally for women as well……………..
Well I am not a good guy. The end
Nice .. devrait etre traduit en français pour tous …à
Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist
since i find this immensely sexist i’ll add, that you can in every of this cases change the he to a she. then you find women are not how men should be in their eyes. which in the end shows, that women are most often more sexist. when a woman says, strip for me, it’s okay, when you tell the same to a woman, you’re a pervert. like what is this double standard?
It took awhile for me to learn this. Late is still better than never
Applies equally to women.
Soo true Sandy Akoury ❤
Are you a men? The worst thing you do in your relationship is hearing some other ppl word how your boyfriend or husband should be. A men is unique. Good or bad a woman should accept with the fact what she has chosen. This is insane telling how a man should be and the fact is this can be very useful to impress a girl but one or the other day the nature of the men will come out. Trust whomever you coz you give him place to sit beside you.